Written by Elena S. Hall
Adoption is both.
The idea that adoption is more than one thing. Seems like a simple enough concept right? There are no clean slate adoptions. No simple adoptions. No, only happy, or only sad adoptions. Adoption is and will always be both. I wrote “Adoption Is Both” because it’s the book I needed as a child.
My sister and I were both adopted from Russia. We were on FaceTime and we started creating these little drawings to go with the rhyme I had already written in my head. As a child, I needed to know that adoption was okay to talk about in many different ways (not just the positive ways). And “Adoption Is Both” was born! And while it’s marketed for kids, “adoptee” is not a word that
denotes age. This book can be for anyone! When adoptees grow up, we might not think of just one emotion – and that’s a healthy thing. More emotions, more thoughts. Not just black and white, but a lot of gray. Even having grown up with my parents openly talking about adoption, being an adoptee is still a lot to carry. But, its a reality I know I can carry, because being an adoptee is something that is really important to me.
I was adopted from Russia at around 18 months old. I worked as a foster and adoption caseworker for a few years too. Our goal was reunification for foster children, but if that was not an option then adoption would become an option. When working with kids during adoption prep, I found it best to talk about adoption in a split way. On one side, we have ‘why someone is adoptable’. On the other side of things, we have ‘adoption’’. Each adoptee can assign a positive or negative emotion to each side. No wrong answers. They can assign any emotion they want. Some had both as more negative, others both as more positive. For me, I have negative feelings for why I was adoptable, but positive feelings for my adoption. Adoption is both. All
adoptions have both in some way. It can be helpful to organize and name our feelings. I wanted others to be able to do this too and read about different feelings one may have as an adoptee.
I got a review that said my book “Adoption Is Both” helped her child feel seen and gosh that was really humbling and extremely exciting! We’re going to have a new generation of adoptees who will grow up talking about the duality of emotion unlike anything before! We are finally seeing adoptees grow up and talk about their experience as adoptees! Back in 2016, when I started
‘Through Adopted Eyes’, adoptee social media was also just starting. Since then, I also have ‘Through Adopted Hearts’, “Adoption Is Both”, and ‘My Adoptee Voice’ (the newest kids book!) “My Adoptee Voice” is a follow up to “Adoption Is Both”. It encourages families to talk about sharing one’s adoption story in a safe and appropriate way. As a peak extrovert, it was common for me as a kid to tell anyone I was adopted. I found it interesting and I was proud. As I’ve gotten older, it’s become less of a naive positivity and grown to more of a mature reality with grief and joy sprinkled in. A lot of people draw the smiley face on their palm for adoption month. In years past, I started drawing a cup instead. Why? Because a smile is not everyone’s story and adoption is not only one symbol. Loss had to occur for adoption to take place. And if you have a cup, you have to know the person before you can get close enough to see what’s inside.
As a social worker, part of my job is to see each person as unique, with strengths and challenges of their own. To not
assume, but to also use resources if needed. It’s important that if someone tells you that they are adopted, don’t reply with an emotion. What if someone is feeling positive about their adoption story and a reply is “oh I’m sorry.” (Ya I’ve heard that and it’s awkward). Or negative emotions are met with “wow that’s amazing and awesome!” Adoption is a weighted word. All of this is why these books are so important to me. It is like a hug and a stamp of approval as if to say “go ahead little one” – you can cry about adoption and be thankful that you were adopted or mad or sad or whatever that looks like for you. To help normalize emotions and help families talk about the complexities of adoption. For all ages to find healing and growth in their
own adoption stories, no matter what emotion they assign to their stories. I hope that “Adoption Is Both” and “My Adoptee Voice” are part of your family library and help bring about more adoptee conversations and family connections.
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Elena S Hall is a LMSW, adoptee, author, and speaker who has a passion for adoption
advocacy that stems from her faith and family. She loves to write, dance, sing, and tell
stories. Her goal is to aid readers to promote healing and growth within the adoption
community and empower readers to share their own stories.
