Our Daughter

My name is Caroline, I grew up in Chicago and I’m a birth mom.

I didn’t have a great relationship with my mom growing up, a lot of arguing and fighting went on.

Around the time I found out I was pregnant I was walking through a lot of heartache. I had just broken up with a boyfriend whom I really cared for and decided to help the pain by finding a new man. I felt alone, rejected, and sad.  At that time, I felt that sex was a way of acceptance and love; I quickly found out I was wrong.

I became pregnant and was alone once again.

I am a fatherless daughter myself. Finding out that I was having a little girl put much into perspective for me.  Did I want her to grow up without a father like I did? (The biological father left after I told him I was pregnant). Did I want her to go through the struggles of one failed relationship after another because she didn’t have a positive father figure to show her what a healthy relationship looked like? I realized that even though I desperately wanted to raise my daughter…I did not have a positive father figure to offer her.  I chose adoption for my daughter because her needs superseded my wants.

I was terrified to place my child for adoption. My heart hurt, but my mind knew without hesitation that I had made the right decision for my child. The path from the mind to the heart is long, but not wasted. As I write this I can tell you that today my heart rejoices about my open adoption with each and every thought.  My daughter is loved, happy, and has an amazing father who makes her his world. In the beginning, I kept thinking that I would be left out of the equation once my daughter was placed with her parents. Now, over 4 years later I can tell you that my daughter’s parents not only adore “our” daughter, but they equally adore me, and the feeling is mutual.  I absolutely LOVE my daughters parents!

In sharing this, I want the world to know that birth mother’s do not “give up” their children, we “place” our children into loving homes.  Birth mother’s are not selfish, but rather selfless; we put our children before ourselves which any good parent does.  We are strong, loving, and we are…human, just like you.

Adoption can be scary, but it is extremely empowering.  I chose the parents for my baby, and I chose the absolute BEST; that is something I am extremely proud of. Unlike abortion I didn’t lose my baby, with open adoption I gained a forever family.

For potential adoptive parents out there, I know you’re scared, too. Use that fear to come together and love one another, and to support one another. Most birth moms want to feel loved and supported during this difficult time in their lives. We need each other!

(A huge thanks to Talk About Adoption for connecting us with Caroline, and for all of the amazing work they do with Birth Moms!)

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