We Almost Said No To Open Adoption

Written by Kortni

A couple months ago he called her all by himself on our Alexa. He invited himself over to her house to play and made plans for an entire day together. I didn’t even know until she texted me later to make sure I knew about it.

If you would have told me that this would be their relationship when we went into adoption, I probably would have walked right out of that orientation meeting. I would’ve thought: There’s no way I can do that. What if she wants her baby back after she sees him again? What if she tries to co-parent. What if she regrets her decision later in life? What if it’s too painful? What if….

I never even thought to wonder about the girl out there who had just decided to place her baby for adoption and that she was probably thinking: I don’t know if I can do this. What if the family doesn’t keep their promises? What if they never let me see my baby again? What if he never knows me? What if I never get to show him how much I love him? What if it’s too painful? What if….

Six months later we found ourselves agreeing to an open adoption. And the only thing that happened in between to lead us to this, was love.

I grew to love this mama so much and I couldn’t imagine the child she was carrying living a life without knowing her. I promised myself that I would give her back as many moments of his life as she needed, in return for what she so lovingly gave me for the rest of mine.

The only “what if” I ask now is, what if we would’ve missed this? What if I would have let the fear of the unknown stop me and my son from knowing this kind of love?”

While there are some women in desperate situations out there, I’ve found through my job @aguardianangeladoptions that the majority of birth mothers are similar to ours: Very strong and grounded women who love their babies fiercely. If your child’s birth mother is not in that place right now, remember that she needs your love more than ever. Whether you show up for her in person or from a distance, she is always and forever a part of your family.

Life moves forward, people grow and change. Make sure your child knows that your heart and door are always open for the day she is ready to come back in.

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